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So I've been following other blogs. Postmodern Sass makes me laugh, but I'm not sure why. Maybe because she says it's all stories and not a really confessional or daily real-life happenings. (Or it could be? But not necessarily?) Obviously I watch Neil Gaiman's blog because he updates almost every day and talks about himself and his doings. (Notice the updating part is higher on my list.) I've fluttered around dooce and petite anglaise and neil kramer, and with each funny story my panic rises. Here is MY blog and there is absolutely nothing of interest on it.

Last night, as I sat on the toliet for the twentieth time of the day, wondering what to blog about and simulataneously wondering if this would end as an Enema Night (and how they deserve their capitalizations!) and meanwhile pondering the relegation of serious self-ponder to Emo kids, and likewise waiting patiently without straining for the, er, faucet to stop dripping...

Eureka! Ulcerative Colitis!

So I'll record all related doings : doctor appointments, meds, issues, single bathrooms vs. multiple stalls, ER trips, furtive purchases, diet restrictions, stress, the stress of consciously trying to be unstressed, and on. I have a fantastic fellow who is more supportive and all-ears than anyone I've ever met, but even he needs a break sometimes, and really, one audience just isn't enough for me. I need IBD-dedicates and sympathizers. You know who you are.

I was diagnosed in 2003 after a very trippy colonoscopy, during which I vaguely remember seeing the insides of my intestines on a little tv, but since I was lying on my side and doped with a lovely mix of demerol and Versed (you dog, you!) I don't remember much except the doctor saying, "Yes. See that? Umm-hmm" and that the lights were pretty dim considering they'd just been bright half an hour ago.

I remember immediately after the procedure, the nurses set me in a chair and someone whom I don't remember properly as I couldn't control my drool reflex, so naturally I was concentrating on that, someone sat next to me and patted my knee and explained things in a really fast whisper. The next thing I heard was my mother, saying my name.

"Are you...you're drooling, honey."

My folks came to visit for the procedure and took me out to eat afterwards. They ate, and I cried into my soup for thirty minutes...I'm not sure, but I think I really wanted more Versed. Then they took me home, and a week later I received a typed, formal letter from the doctor saying, yes indeed, I had ulcerative colitis.

Yay! Positive diagnosis!

So! First question (one that I've asked one nurse practitioner, and she scared the bejesus out of me in an attempt to comfort my fears) : does Imuran cause white brain lesions in some patients? I only ask because of a random study I came across while searching Ebsco at work. Also this morning I had my tea scooped and the water was boiling and I was ransacking the kitchen shelves looking for my mug, and then the living room and the bedroom, and then I came back determining to use a second but equally favorable mug, when I saw that my tea strainer sat upon the mug in question...

Definitely lesions, I think. Too bad Imuran somewhat works well. Sort of.